


Hide's Doomsday Predictions

by HerImperiousCondescension



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: "apocalypse" in finger quotes, Anteiku - Freeform, Apocalypse, Happy Ending, Humor, I have no idea what I'm doing, Lighthearted Fic, hide's antics, i honestly tried to be funny, not sure if i succeeded but, this is the first fic i've ever posted please be gentle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-22
Updated: 2016-02-22
Packaged: 2018-05-22 14:18:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6082539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HerImperiousCondescension/pseuds/HerImperiousCondescension
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaneki finds Hide on a street corner with a construction paper bullhorn screaming about the end of the world and other nonsense.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"So you're trying out being batshit insane?"</p>
<p>"Well, when you put it that way… yes."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hide's Doomsday Predictions

**Author's Note:**

> I had this idea and immediately thought, "This sounds like something Hide would do!" Whether I was right, I don't know. But here you go anyway.

 

Kaneki was walking down the street. It was a beautiful, unusually warm autumn day. The sky was clear, the sun shone, and there was… yelling?  _It sounds like Hide_ , he thought, confused.  _I should probably check that out._

Kaneki headed toward the direction of the noise. Yep, that was definitely Hide yelling. He couldn't make out all of what his best friend was saying, though. This is what he heard:

 

"THE END . . . HUMANITY IS DOOMED . . . THE. . . IS CHANGING . . . FORESTS DISAPPEARING . . . NO ONE IS SAFE!"

 

As he rounded the corner, he noticed that people were avoiding one particular area on the sidewalk. In that area, Kaneki spotted a familiar head of bright orange hair. Someone yelled, "Go back to your doomsday shelter, nitwit!" to which Hide replied, "Soon you'll wish you had one, double-nitwit!" He then continued his rant with his back was toward Kaneki. Kaneki stopped about ten feet away, hearing all of what Hide was going on about. This is the total of Hide's rant (through a homemade construction paper bullhorn):

 

"THE END IS NIGH! I HAVE SEEN THE SIGNS, AND HUMANITY IS DOOMED! THE CLIMATE IS CHANGING, THE OCEANS ARE RISING, THE FORESTS ARE DISAPPEARING! NO ONE IS SAFE! MANY ANIMAL SPECIES ARE GOING EXTINCT, AND HUMANITY IS NEXT! WILL THE DEATH OF US BE FROM THE SUN GOING OUT? A GIANT METEOR? ALIENS? NO! NONE OF THOSE! OUR EXTINCTION WILL BE THE RESULT OF OUR OWN STUPIDITY! AND IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME, JUST LOOK AROUND Y-"

 

"Um, Hide?" asked Kaneki, walking up to where Hide was standing with a sign over his shoulders reading, WE ARE DOOMED!

"GAH!" Hide dropped the homemade bullhorn. "Who the hell- Oh, Kaneki! Uh… hey there! What're you doing here?" he asked, scratching the back of his head in embarrassment.

"I think a better question would be, what are  _you_ doing here?" Kaneki had just a hint of a smile in his voice.

"Ohhh, y'know. Trying out something new, switching things up a bit."

"So you're trying out being batshit insane?"

"Well, when you put it that way… yes."

Kaneki tried his best not to laugh, but ended up doing so anyway, snorting in the process.

"Did you just  _snort_?" Hide asked with even more of a smile in his voice.

"Wh- No! I most definitely did not!"

"Mm-hm.  _Suuure_ you didn't."

"Okay, maybe I did, but at least I'm not standing on the street corner going on about how we're all going to die of our own  _stupidity_." Kaneki responded, putting extra emphasis on 'stupidity.'

"Touché."

"C'mon, Hide. Let's go get some coffee- I know the best place in town," Kaneki said with a wink. "But first, please, for the love of god, take off that sign."

"Hmmm. Well, okay. Just for you~!" Hide said with a wink of his own.

Hide discarded the sign, making Kaneki promise not to tell anyone about what, in hindsight, was probably not the best idea in terms of creating embarrassing situations for friends to find him in (and just in general).

* * *

Kaneki and Hide walked into Anteiku, the bell on the door indicating their arrival.

"Hey, Touka! Guess what!"

"What is it now, Kaneki?"

"Wait, no! Kaneki! Stop! You promised!" Hide pleaded, shoving Kaneki's arm.

"I had my fingers crossed!" he replied. "So anyway, Touka-"

"AAAAAGH!"


End file.
